It’s R U OK? Day – Here’s How To Ask Someone The Question

WholeLife is partnering with R U OK? DAY to spread awareness of the importance of checking in. People who are exposed to the R U OK? Campaign are six times more likely to reach out to someone who may be experiencing personal difficulties, compared to those not exposed to the campaign. Now knowing this, there’s simply no way that we can’t spread the word!

R U OK? day is Thursday 8th September 2022. R U OK? Day reminds us to check in with the people who are in our circle and ask, ‘are you okay?’. This day acts as a reminder to start meaningful conversations when you spot that someone you care for might be struggling. It is not easy to spark a conversation or to keep one going, it is hard to know what to say or what to do next, so let’s break it down together. Here is what you can do to prepare for what may be a hard conversation (which you never know, may just save a life).

 Make sure you’re ready to ask someone 

Before you ask if someone else is okay, check in with yourself and ask yourself if you are okay. If you don’t have the capacity to hold the conversation for someone else right now, that is okay. You can make room for the conversation another day where you feel like you have the capacity to. Alternatively, you could try to think of someone else in your shared support network who may be able to talk to them (and you, remember it is okay to also reach out for help on are you okay day).

To help you decide whether you’re ready to start a meaningful conversation, ask yourself:

1. Be Ready:

1. • Are you in a good headspace?
   • Are you willing to genuinely listen?
   • Can you give as much time as needed?

2. Be prepared:

1. • Remember that you won’t have all the answers (which is OK)
   • Listening is one of the most important things you can do
   • If someone is talking about personal struggles, this can be difficult and they might get emotional, embarrassed, or upset

3. Pick your moment:

1. • Have you chosen somewhere relatively private and informal?
   • What time will be good for them to chat?
   • Ideally try and put aside at least an hour so you have ample time to have a meaningful chat. If they can’t talk when you approach them, ask them for a better time to come back

 Having the Conversation 

1. Ask R U OK?
   • Other questions you can ask may sound like “How have you been going lately?” or “I have noticed you are quieter lately, is everything okay?”
   • If they do not want to talk about it, you may decide to mention that you are concerned about them.
2. Listen
   • Take what they say seriously
   • If they get angry or upset, stay calm and don’t take it personally
3. Encourage Action
   • “What would be a good first step we can take?”
   • “What do you need from me? How can I help?”
4. Check-in
   • Remember to check in and see how the person is doing a few days later
   • Ask if they’ve found a better way to manage the situation- if they haven’t, try to reinforce the benefits of seeking professional help

Here are a few other important points to remember when you’re talking to someone about personal experiences.

• Recognise their reaction may be in response to a range of circumstances – both personal and work related – many of which you might not know about. Don’t take it personally, let them blow off some steam if they need to.
• Give them space to show emotions, whether it be hurt or anger, do not shame them for expressing emotions. For example, avoid comments such as “don’t cry” or “there is no need to get angry”, instead validate their expression of emotions, this may look like “it is okay to cry” or “your feelings are valid, let it out”.
• Deal with the emotions first, you can then discuss the issues and find solutions more rationally once emotions have been felt and addressed.
• Finally, being a good listener is one of the best things you can do for someone when they are distressed – sometimes it isn’t about finding solutions or fixing the problem, sometimes they just want to be heard.
• Understand that sometimes it can take a long time for someone to be ready to see a professional. Use inclusive language, such as “we” and “us” when problem solving, for example ““Do you think it would be useful if we looked into finding some professional or other support?”

If you find that your friend is really struggling, urge them to get in touch with a professional. Here is a list of contacts you can encourage them to call. Remember, if the conversation was heavy, you may feel the weight of their emotions and that’s okay, these lines are here for you too.

• Lifeline (24/7 ) 13 11 14 lifeline.org.au 
• Suicide Call Back Service (24/7) 1300 659 467
• Beyond Blue (24/7) 1300 224 636 beyondblue.org.au 
• SANE Australia: 1800 18 SANE (7263) sane.org 

More contacts: ruok.org.au/findhelp